The Antagonizer

So my sister Jaime (age 21) is home for the summer. We have a history. When we were younger, I was so incredibly mean to her. She used to annoy me, and still can (today I'm still suffering from the guilt).

Anyway, she likes to say stuff, or do things, that provoke or offend me in regard to my spiritual life. She makes a lot of comments about Jesus. So the other morning as I was in my room she was yelling right outside my door "HOOOLY...the cat is HOOOLY the bathroom is HOOLY the shower is HOOOLY," and so on. Now, she knows I pray in the morning because she has walked in my room (purposely) and found me doing so. I was MAD!!! Oh my goodness, was I mad! I wanted to go outside my room and say to her "Shut up!!!! I'm praying!" But you know what? That's exactly what the enemy wanted me to do. Fits of rage is not one of the fruits of the Spirit. So instead, I prayed. I said "Lord, what would you have me do?" And the verse that came up was from Isaiah 53:
He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.

Now, it's not severe like that, but I think God is trying to tell me to just be longsuffering. It's not about me. I get so mad, but it is not about me! I need to stop complaining, but I'm telling you, she annoyed me. Some of it is anger because she's disrespecting my Father, but some of it, which I'm really ashamed to say, is flesh. But God is good. I don't want to get offended, you know? After I prayed I was able to see it better, but at first I was really fleshy. I get so mad; why can't I just be patient and longsuffering immediately? Well, I guess that's because I have to lean on the Holy Spirit. The Fruit doesn't come from within me, it comes from the Holy Spirit. I have to be in constant communion with Him. But to me, the fact that I was having my devotion and I still got mad says something, and it's not good.

On a better note, I haven't binged in like 3 days! I decided to go to bed as soon as I get home from now on, because I binge at night. It's so tempting, but when I do it it ruins my whole next day and I just hate myself so much. Thank you guys for praying...please keep praying. God shows me I can do nothing in my own strength. It's humbling, but I'm glad He's humbling me.